Memo to Madonna: Shut Up and Sing

(Reprinted from Rolling Stone)

Madonna Calls Obama a ‘Black Muslim’

Maybe it was a slip of the tongue or maybe it was misguided sarcasm, but Madonna called President Obama a “black Muslim” last night at a tour stop in Washington D.C. in what otherwise resembled a message of support. After praising Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King Jr., Madonna turned her attention to Obama, saying, “It is so amazing and incredible to think that we have an African-American in the White House!” But the pop star didn’t stop there. “So y’all better vote for fucking Obama, OK? For better or for worse, all right, we have a black Muslim in the White House, OK? Now that is some shit. That’s some amazing shit,” she said. “It means there is hope in this country. And Obama is fighting for gay rights, OK? So support the man, goddammit!”

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No matter what your politics, this is embarrassing. Can’t she stick to flashing skin and offending religions? I believe I could devote an entire blog to Madge alone.

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Songs You May Have Missed #179

Kaleidoscope: “The Sky Children” (1967)

Settle in, children. It’s time for psychedelic folk hour. Smoke ’em if you got ’em.

Kaleidoscope, who later morphed into Fairfield Parlour (Songs You May Have Missed #113) were fancifully dressed purveyors of trippy, fantasy-laced–if compositionally repetitive–music with a strong purple streak. Exactly like Nicki Minaj, come to think of it.

Not only was 1967 the height of the Beatles’ influence on popular music, but J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings became a cultural phenomenon at about the same time. British folk and rock acts like Donovan, The Moody Blues, and Syd Barrett-era Pink Floyd soaked up the vibe of both. And Kaleidoscope were no different.

“The Sky Children” in fact bears strong resemblance to two Donovan tracks…

the wondrous “Legend of a Girl Child Linda”

 

…and the gentle ballad “Voyage of the Moon”

If you’re a fan of fantasy and narrative folk song (and have a decent attention span) you’ll appreciate both. If you’re not, they make a nice introduction, along with “Sky Children”, to a genre that’s about as far removed from contemporary pop as Nicki is from sensible clothes.

…and the children stayed children/and they lived in their dreams…

Excerpts From D.C. Madonna Concert Review

The following are a few lowlights of a review of a recent Madonna concert at Verizon Center in Washington, D.C. reprinted from the Washington Post online:

Madonna came to the stage at 10:30 p.m., 21/2 hours after the posted showtime. The delay disrupted more than babysitting arrangements; arena management was forced to strike a deal with Metro to extend the usual midnight service deadline. Madonna, however, surely benefited financially from the stalling, because some portion of the audience, made up of fans who’d paid from $59 to $390 per ticket, killed time by visiting merchandise booths, at which they could spend an additional $45 on licensed “I’m a Sinner” T-shirts or Madonna-endorsed “Addicted to Sweat” workout DVDs (featuring routines called “Get Wet” and “Dripping Wet”).

Her entrance: With the stage full of buff guys in monk outfits and contortionists on pedestals putting their feet behind their necks, and as a massive smoking golden thurible-shaped object swung to and fro in front of a giant cathedral-like structure while some sort of dense Gregorian chant-sounding noise blared over the public address system, Madonna dropped from the ceiling wearing a black jumpsuit and wielding an assault rifle. The medieval music was then replaced by Madonna moaning, “Oh, my God!” over and over before kicking into her recent techno single, “Girl Gone Wild,” which she shrieked while rubbing pretty much all of her own and her dancers’ body parts as humongous video screens showed what looked like the end of the world. Madonna survived this mini-Armageddon with enough energy to pick up the assault rifle and strafe the crowd one more time before song’s end.

During her rendering of “Gang Bang,” the stage became a seedy motel room in which she chugged whiskey and used more firearms to gun down two generic bad guys. She mounted their carcasses for a theatrical but confusing pelvic thrust routine, yelling “Die b—-!” a whole lot, though it wasn’t clear whether all the lyrics were being sung live. Meanwhile, the video screens showed enough splattered blood to make Quentin Tarantino nauseated.

She put on a majorette’s outfit for “Express Yourself,” and, while a large drum corps swung overhead, twirled a baton, perhaps re-creating moves she used during her days as a high school cheerleader. Alas, before the song was over, Madonna lifted her skirt and dirty danced with the baton. The fans ate it up, just as they ate up her yelling, “Do the bump with your neighbor!” amid all sorts of crotch-grabbing during “Holiday”; her donning a painful-looking metal bra and sashaying down a long runway while reprising “Vogue”; and her pulling down her pants to flash her buns of steel during “Human Nature.”

And from the comments forum:

Regrettably, the Madonna concert was terrible.  The concert started at 10:30 PM… 2 1/2 hours late.  The sound was so bad where we were, you couldn’t understand a single word she said.  Many times I wasn’t sure what song she was playing.  One of the opening scenes showed Madonna having sex with someone while she blew the guy’s brains out with a gun.  She dest’d Lady Gaga by playing “Born This Way” to marching band music.  She mooned the audience with an Obama tattoo on her lower back.  Unprofessional and tasteless are words that come to mind.  But disappointment doesn’t even describe it, more like anger.  What a waste of $500. 

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Seriously, you’re spending 500 bucks on someone who seems to have a love/hate relationship with her audience (she loves your money; she hates you) and refuses to play her old hits? I paid less than half that to see Paul McCartney, who played nearly three hours of hits and well-chosen album tracks, showed affection for his fans, and was the epitome of class throughout. Madonna’s bad taste is topped only by that shown by fans who still spend their money on her.

Beauty and Confidence Level Expressed by Songs

Insecurity Is so Hawt

Songs You May Have Missed #178

von

Chris Von Sneidern: “Big White Lies” (1994)

Chris Von Sneidern–ever heard of him? I’m guessing unless you’re a personal friend of mine your answer is “who?”

Chris flies under the radar, unless your radar is calibrated to Hopelessly Uncommercial Beatles-influenced Power Pop, as mine was in the 1990’s, when I discovered Von Sneidern, Jellyfish, The Pooh Sticks, Teenage Fanclub, Shoes and many others of this ilk.

This guy really was a talent, though. Just listen to the harmonies on “Big White Lies”–Von Sneidern truly knew how to sprinkle the sugar on a song. They even made a film about him–Why Isn’t Chris Von Sneidern Famous? It’s out of print, as is its soundtrack CD. Fitting. I used to whinge and moan about music like this deserving a wider audience. But as Elvis Costello said: I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused.

I just know that one day there’ll be a party, probably a private party, probably at my house. And I’ll be the DJ. And lots of sweet 90’s power pop harmonies will be cranking really loud. And I won’t care how many people attend, or if I’m the only one there. And for four minutes Chris Von Sneidern will be famous enough.

Why Isn't Chris von Sneidern Famous? (Movie Soundtrack)

Songs You May Have Missed #177

apples

Apples in Stereo: “Skyway” (2007)

They had me at “da doo doo doo doo-doo“.

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