Crappy Jobs I’ve Had

Lead Vocalist in the Ventures

Image de The Ventures

Guitar Tech for The Who

Pete Townshend Smashed Guitar This Guitar Has Seconds To Live

Tour Promoter for George Jones

empty stage Image

Lyricist for Kenny G

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Costume Designer for Janet Jackson

malfunction

 Aretha Franklin’s Personal Trainer

Drummer for Kraftwerk

kraftwerk

This Guy’s Roadie

Manzer Medusa Guitar

Shane McGowan’s Dentist

Life Coach to Amy Winehouse

Oops! I Meant “They’re One of the Greatest Bands Ever”: Rolling Stone’s Original Review of Led Zep’s Debut

Led Zeppelin 1

You can find plenty to criticize about Rolling Stone magazine these days. What was once perhaps the foremost periodical devoted to Rock and Roll music and culture now regularly follows the careers of Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift as if they were Bob Dylan and Neil Young.

And the seemingly bi-weekly special issues built around the Top 100 this or the Top 500 that are kind of played out, no?

But hypocrisy is funny too. And it’s interesting to note that Swift not only merits a RS cover story but she also gets better reviews than Led Zeppelin once did. The magazine heaped flattery on her Speak Now album (see full review here: http://www.rollingstone.com/music/albumreviews/speak-now-20101026 )

…And for contrast I’ve reproduced John Mendelsohn’s review of Led Zeppelin’s 1969 debut. I consider it one of the bigger whiffs in the history of rock criticism (although I do give the magazine props for reproducing it in a 2011 issue). It’s not so much that I disagree with everything Mendelsohn said, it’s just amusing to note how quickly after this scud review the magazine set about elevating the band to status of rock immortals. Despite the cred Jimmy Page had earned as a member of the Jeff Beck Group, Mendelsohn makes them sound like mere mortals indeed, even hacks:

‘Led Zeppelin’: Blues Combo Dead on Arrival

Jimmy Page is, admittedly, an extraordinarily proficient blues guitarist and explorer of his instrument’s electronic capabilities. Unfortunately, he is also a very limited producer and a writer of weak, unimaginative songs. The most representative cut is “How Many More Times.” Here a jazzy introduction gives way to a driving guitar-dominated background for Robert Plant’s strained and unconvincing shouting. Zeppelin has produced an album sadly reminiscent of the Jeff Beck Group’s Truth. To fill the void created by the demise of Cream, they will have to find some material worthy of their collective attention.

I don’t know if Mendelsohn’s opinion of Plant changed once his “strained and unconvincing shouting” made him a rock god, or if  he still thought Page was a “writer of weak, unimaginative songs” post- “Stairway to Heaven”…but I think I know the official RS editorial position on the matter.

Songs You May Have Missed #188

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Stevie Wonder: “Saturn” (1976)

On the heels of top five smash albums like Talking Book, Innervisions and Fulfillingness’ First Finale (and their accompanying Grammy awards) Stevie Wonder was actually thinking of retiring from the music business in 1975. (I know!) Disenchanted with the U.S. government’s running of the country, he’d nearly decided to emigrate to Ghana to work with handicapped children, and had even planned a farewell concert.

Fortunately for us (if not the children of Ghana) he changed his mind, signed a new contract with Motown that gave him complete artistic control, and set to work on his masterwork, Songs in the Key of Life. Songs… was number 1 for fourteen weeks–a stupendous feat for a double album. Not only did it spawn the number 1 hits “I Wish” and Sir Duke” and the classic track “Isn’t She Lovely”, which became a radio staple despite never never having been released as a single; but the double album included a bonus  7-inch, 4-song EP inside its jacket, a fact lost on many who’ve bought the record for the first time in CD format or as a digital download.

And these “extra” songs weren’t throw aways either. One was “All Day Sucker”, which probably could have been a top twenty single. And another was “Saturn”, which can only be described as Sci-Fi soul. After four album sides of songs about inner city life’s loves, trials and tribulations, “Saturn” serves as denouement, closing argument and counterpoint all at once. It’s one of his best articulations of his frustrations with government wrapped in a fantasy about life in a more idyllic setting:

Packing my bags, going away/To a place where the air is clean/On Saturn There’s no sense to sit and watch people die

We don’t fight our wars the way you do/We put back all the things  we use/On Saturn There’s no sense to keep on doing such crimes
There’s no principles in what you say/No direction in the things you do/For your world is soon to come to a close

Through the ages all great men have taught/Truth and happiness just can’t be bought or sold/Tell me, why are you people so cold?
I’m going back to Saturn where the  rings all glow/Rainbow, moonbeams  and orange snow/On SaturnPeople live to be two hundred and five

Going back to Saturn where the people smile/Don’t need cars ’cause we’ve learned to fly/On Saturn Just to live to us is our natural  high
We have come here many times before/To find your strategy to peace is war/Killing helpless men, women and children That don’t even know what they’re dying for

We can’t trust you when you take a stand/With a gun and Bible in your hand/And the cold expression on your face Saying, “Give us what we want or we’ll destroy”
I’m going back to Saturn where the rings all glow/Rainbow moonbeams  and orange snow/On SaturnPeople  live to be two hundred and five

Going back to Saturn where the people smile/Don’t need cars ’cause we’ve learned to fly/On Saturn Just to live to us is our natural  high

Songs You May Have Missed #187

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Richard & Linda Thompson: “A Heart Needs a Home” (1975)

If you like folk-inflected British rock and intelligient songwriting, and aren’t yet familiar with the work of Richard Thompson, he’s like a treasure waiting your discovery.

Not only is the man among rock’s great lesser-known (especially in America) songwriters, but he’s also an absolute god of guitar, equally adept and captivating on electric or acoustic. (Don’t look for him to show off on this song, though)

Here’s a duet with then-wife Linda, who herself was on the “Queen of British Folk” short list, among the likes of Shirley Collins, Sandy Denny and Maddy Prior. Linda’s plaintive unadorned, everywoman voice suited the mournful quality of much of the material Richard wrote for her to sing.

Fans of modern-day boy-girl folk duos like The Swell Season and The Weepies, take note: you’re looking at one of the templates here.

See also: https://edcyphers.com/2013/03/09/songs-you-may-have-missed-355/

See also: https://edcyphers.com/2013/10/15/songs-you-may-have-missed-489/

“Copying is not Theft”

Nina Paley, amusingly spreading word about QuestionCopyright.org, a nonprofit organization whose mission is to provide advocacy and practical education to help cultural producers embrace open distribution.

Their website states: Our projects highlight the restrictive effects of distribution monopolies, and help creators and their allies realize the potential of freedom-based distribution. We’re trying to change the terms of the debate, so that copyright reform efforts aren’t stuck always reacting to industry rhetoric that equates copying with theft, plagiarism, and the abuse or destruction of the original work.

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The Long, Violent History of Israel and Palestine, Animated by Nina Paley and Sung by Andy Williams

To help you follow the Seder-Masochism, here’s Paley’s guide, because, as she says, you can’t tell the players without a pogrom!

Early Man
This generic “cave man” represents the first human settlers in Israel/Canaan/the Levant. Whoever they were.

Canaanite
What did ancient Canaanites look like? I don’t know, so this is based on ancient Sumerian art.

Egyptian
Canaan was located between two huge empires. Egypt controlled it sometimes, and…

Assyrian
….Assyria controlled it other times.

Israelite
The “Children of Israel” conquered the shit out of the region, according to bloody and violent Old Testament accounts.

Babylonian
Then the Baylonians destroyed their temple and took the Hebrews into exile.

Macedonian/Greek
Here comes Alexander the Great, conquering everything!

Greek/Macedonian
No sooner did Alexander conquer everything, than his generals divided it up and fought with each other.

Ptolemaic
Greek descendants of Ptolemy, another of Alexander’s competing generals, ruled Egypt dressed like Egyptian god-kings. (The famous Cleopatra of western mythology and Hollywood was a Ptolemy.)

Seleucid
More Greek-Macedonian legacies of Alexander.

Hebrew Priest
This guy didn’t fight, he just ran the Second Temple re-established by Hebrews in Jerusalem after the Babylonian Exile.

Maccabee
Led by Judah “The Hammer” Maccabee, who fought the Seleucids, saved the Temple, and invented Channukah. Until…

Roman

Roman
….the Romans destroyed the Second Temple and absorbed the region into the Roman Empire…

Byzantine
….which split into Eastern and Western Empires. The eastern part was called the Byzantine Empire. I don’t know if “Romans” ever fought “Byzantines” (Eastern Romans) but this is a cartoon.

Arab Caliph
Speaking of cartoon, what did an Arab Caliph look like? This was my best guess.

Crusader

Crusader
After Crusaders went a-killin’ in the name of Jesus Christ, they established Crusader states, most notably the Kingdom of Jerusalem.

Egyptian Mamluk

Mamluk of Egypt
Wikipedia sez, “Over time, mamluks became a powerful military caste in various Muslim societies…In places such as Egypt from the Ayyubid dynasty to the time of Muhammad Ali of Egypt, mamluks were considered to be “true lords”, with social status above freeborn Muslims.[7]” And apparently they controlled Palestine for a while.

Ottoman Turk

Ottoman Turk
Did I mention this is a cartoon? Probably no one went to battle looking like this. But big turbans, rich clothing and jewelry seemed to be in vogue among Ottoman Turkish elites, according to paintings I found on the Internet.

Arab

Arab
A gross generalization of a generic 19-century “Arab”.

British

British
The British formed alliances with Arabs, then occupied Palestine. This cartoon is an oversimplification, and uses this British caricature as a stand-in for Europeans in general.

Palestinian

Palestinian
The British occupied this guy’s land, only to leave it to a vast influx of….

European Jew/Zionist

European Jew/Zionist
Desperate and traumatized survivors of European pogroms and death camps, Jewish Zionist settlers were ready to fight to the death for a place to call home, but…

Hezbollah

PLO/Hamas/Hezbollah
….so were the people that lived there. Various militarized resistance movements arose in response to Israel: The Palestinian Liberation Organization, Hamas, and Hezbollah.

State of Israel

State of Israel
Backed by “the West,” especially the US, they got lots of weapons and the only sanctioned nukes in the region.

Guerrilla/Freedom Fighter/Terrorist

Guerrilla/Freedom Fighter/Terrorist
Sometimes people fight in military uniforms, sometimes they don’t. Creeping up alongside are illicit nukes possibly from Iran or elsewhere in the region. Who’s Next?

and finally…

Angel of Death

The Angel of Death
The real hero of the Old Testament, and right now too.

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