Dear David Guetta…You Suck.

guetta

(Reprinted from Melkor)

by Scott Melkor

Dear Dave (can I call you Dave?),

How are you? It has been a really long time! I hope that you are doing great.

Anyway, I was writing to let you know that you are the worst and represent everything that is wrong with DJ and EDM culture. I recently had the displeasure of reading your interview with Beatport. Riveting stuff, really. I particularly enjoyed the following excerpt.

“Not everything went smoothly behind-the-scenes, though.. Something crazy happened to me on the [first weekend],” he says. “I’m using Rekordbox and Pioneer to play, and before I saved my playlist to my SD card, my computer crashed. So I just had to put all my music in a random order on USB sticks at the last minute, doing it really old school, scrolling to look for the records I wanted to play next.”

There are so many things wrong with you, and with this paragraph, that I felt compelled to write you this heartfelt letter…

Read more: http://themelkerproject.com/

Early Morning, April 29

This morning I was awakened by some men working in the street using a jackhammer. It sounded exactly like this:

“Music was better back then”: When do we stop keeping up with popular music?

swift

(via Skynet & Ebert)

by

After sixty years of research, it’s conventional wisdom: as people get older, they stop keeping up with popular music. Whether the demands of parenthood and careers mean devoting less time to pop culture, or just because they’ve succumbed to good old-fashioned taste freeze, music fans beyond a certain age seem to reach a point where their tastes have “matured”.

That’s why the organizers of the Super Bowl — with a median viewer age of 44 —  were smart to balance their Katy Perry-headlined halftime show with a showing by Missy Elliott.

Spotify listener data offers a sliced & diced view of each user’s streams. This lets us measure when this effect begins, how quickly the effect develops, and how it’s impacted by demographic factors...

Read more: http://skynetandebert.com/2015/04/22/music-was-better-back-then-when-do-we-stop-keeping-up-with-popular-music/

A Jovial Journey Through Fictitious Band Names

 bon

Cleverly-named Pittsburgh-area tribute act Bon Journey play a set that draws heavily on the music of the two bands whose names combine to form their own appellation.

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Considering it doesn’t take much to bend idle minds to pointless mental meanderings, this set us to considering the plethora of possibilities for other cover band designations. To wit (hopefully):

If your band covers the music of Bon Jovi and Joni Mitchell you could name it Bon Joni.

If you do music primarily by The Rolling Stones and Styx you could be Styx and Stones.

S’pose you played mostly Johnny Cash and Eddie Money tunes. May I suggest Cash Money?

Now if you’ll indulge us, further into the preposterous we blunder for the sake of a laugh. If your band was all about Richard Marx and Skid Row music, you could be known as Skid Marx.

Supposing your band loves to play 80’s hair band anthems such as “Round and Round” and “Nothin’ But a Good Time”. You could call yourselves Ratt Poison. Of course, your set would feature a heavy dose of Poison, Cuz Ratt didn’t have that many hits but hey, every rose has its thorn I guess.

Let’s say your set combined the music of Grover Washington and AC/DC. You could be Washington/DC. Fats Domino and Don McLean? Fats McLean.

If your band mixed the early work of Clapton with to-the-extreme 90’s white rap may I suggest Vanilla Ice Cream?

You say you’re way into Cream but you don’t really play that much Vanilla Ice? That’s weird. But if you instead focus mainly on Humble Pie and Boston you could be called Boston Cream Pie.

marxSay your Richard Marx tribute band got tired of mixing in Skid Row songs and decided to include more Doobie Brothers in its set. You could call yourselves the Marx Brothers.

No…I’m not done yet. Smokey-voiced Chris Rea and Mark Knopfler of rifftastic rockers Dire Straits have remarkably similar vocal styles. Given this and the fact that in England they are both fairly prominent artists, perhaps it’s not completely unthinkable that if your tribute band were British you’d cover both artists’ material. Whether or not you decide to call your band Dire Rea would be entirely up to you.

I know this is unlikely. But if your band played only songs by New Pornographers and Destiny’s Child the obvious choice of band name would be Child Pornographers. Unfortunately.

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Do Tom Petty and Johnny Cash dominate your playlist? Cool. I dub you Petty Cash. REO Speedwagon and Patty Smyth? Patty Wagon, natch.

Have a female lead singer who belts covers of Ann and Nancy Wilson tunes  accompanied by a guitarist who wishes he was Ritchie Blackmore? I’m gonna pin Purple Heart on you.

Do Bryan Ferry, Godsmack and the Mothers of Invention form the bulk of your live repertoire? For some reason bands like yours have all overlooked the name Ferry God Mothers so far. You’re welcome.

And to you versatile rockers who alternately play Aerosmith, Insane Clown Posse and Tool songs: Aeroposstool.

You say your lead guitarist worships Duane Allman but your keyboardist wants to play Joy Division? Allman Joy is your band’s new name.

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In one of those 80’s tribute bands that mainly cribs the catalogues of the Police, Billy Squier and Culture Club? Police Billy Club.

Or maybe your cover band is a mishmash of Fleetwood Mac, Public Enemy and Yo Yo Ma. It could happen. If so, please help yourself to my suggested band name: Fleet Enema. Of course your band logo may not be as cool as Bon Journey’s…

And if you play Grateful Dead, Phish and Bon Jovi covers I dub you Jam Band Jovi.

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Not to fixate on the whole Bon Jovi thing–they are the reason we’ve come to this after all–but it occurs to me that if you like to play Bon Jovi tunes interspersed with Pete Seeger folk songs (and who doesn’t?) you really ought to consider the moniker of Banjovi.

Or if you have a Bon Jovi tribute band that happens to be fronted by a woman who looks like Debbie Harry you could be BlondeJovi. You don’t? K, just trying to help.

Are you one of those acts who tends to ping pong between the British heavy metal of Iron Maiden and the breezy American folk of…America? How about Maiden America?

harry

Are you in a rock and roll revivalist act who cover Buddy Holly and Chuck Berry? You could be Holly Berry.

Thinking of starting a band that plays Gentle Giant, Tim Hardin and Ce Ce Peniston? I dunno. Use your imagination–you can do this!

I could go on. In fact, it’s difficult not to after a while. REM Speedwagon, Buffalo Springsteen, Faith No Doubt, The Mamas & the Papas & the Babys, Aretha Hollies, Kajagoogoo Dolls, ABBA & Costello

But I want to hear your tribute band names. Bring ’em on–the more preposterous the better!

p.s. If there can be an Australian Pink Floyd, could there be a Swedish Phish?

bostyx

What IS the “Pompatus of Love” Anyway?

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Chances are you’ve heard, and maybe even sung along to, this lyric dozens of times:

 

…and maybe you made a little mental note to yourself to find out just what a “pompatus of love” was–but then “Back in Black” came on the jukebox next and your girlfriend was pulling on your arm to buy her another Milwaukee’s Best and then you had to go pee and then that whole brawl started about Kurt Busch vs Tony Stewart and it slipped your mind again.

We’ve got you covered.

In the beginning there was Los Angeles Doo-Wop group The Medallions who, in 1954, released a B-side ballad called “The Letter”

At about 1:45 lead singer Vernon Green speaks the following lyric:

Let me whisper sweet words of pismotality
And discuss the puppetutes of love

“Pismotality” and “puppetutes” were both nonsense words made up by Green. The first refers to secret words only meant to be heard by a lover.

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From the song’s YouTube comments alone come several apocryphal spellings of the second of Green’s neologisms: “pompetous”, “pulpitudes”, “puppetuse” and of course, Steve Miller’s misspelled “pompatus”.

“Puppetute” was, as Green once explained, “A term I coined to mean a secret paper-doll fantasy figure [thus puppet], who would be my everything and bear my children.”

Perhaps a cross between the words “puppet” and “prostitute”. Romantic guy, this Vernon Green.

Enter Steve Miller with “Enter Maurice”

You’ll notice that 1973’s “The Joker” isn’t the first appearance in a Steve Miller song of the line “pompatus of love”. In fact, “space cowboy”, “gangster of love” and “Maurice” from that song all reference earlier Miller tunes.

But “Enter Maurice” with its romantic recitations is a very direct homage to the Medallions’ “The Letter”.

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There was even a movie in 1995 titled after Miller’s misspelled version of the original nonsense word, and the first song on its soundtrack is–you guessed it–Miller’s “The Joker”.

So let’s review: A 1995 movie took its title from a line from a Steve Miller song from 1973 which itself references an earlier Steve Miller song which inaccurately nicks the word from a 1954 doo-wop song–a word that wasn’t even a word in the first place.

Next week we explain why Scaramouche would want to do the fandango!

What Makes an Electric Guitar Sound Like an Electric Guitar

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(via The Atlantic)

by Robert Jackson

There’s an old joke in the technology industry: If a product has a problem, simply sell it as a feature. The electric-guitar-effects industry is no different. Music has often thrived on transforming faults into influential sound effects. Before professional studio production enabled granular tweaks in sound, standalone guitar effects emerged from deliberately converting hardware faults—often caused by the limitations of amplifiers—into positive features. By the end of the 1970s, it had become impossible to imagine how R&B, blues, and rock could have existed without these fortuitous mistakes.

In fact, the history of guitar-signal modification is one of happy accidents. Any “unmistakable” guitar sound isn’t just the product of a gifted musician, nor is it just the result of cultural context; it’s contingent on the combined work of transistors, speakers, magnets, signals, wires, and diodes…

Read more: http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2015/03/what-makes-an-electric-guitar-sound-like-an-electric-guitar/386441/?single_page=true

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