Every Moment Has A Song

(reprinted from Rolling Stone)

Jack White vented his  frustrations with the Guinness Book of World Records in the latest issue of Interview, telling interviewer Buzz  Aldrin – yes, the astronaut – that their ruling body rejected his submission of  a White Stripes concert in  2007 consisting of only one note as the shortest gig in history.

“There’s nothing scientific about what they do. They just have an office full  of people who decide what is a record and what isn’t,” says White. “Most of the  records in there – who has the biggest collection of salt-and-pepper shakers or  whatever – are just whatever they want them to be. So with something like the  shortest concert of all time, they didn’t think whatever we did was interesting  enough to make it a record.”

Officials at the Guinness Book explained their case to  the NME, saying that while they acknowledged the White Stripes in  the 2009 edition, it resulted in an onslaught of applications from other bands,  which made them realize that “the nature of competing to make something the  ‘shortest’ by its very nature triviali[z]es the activity being carried out.”

White isn’t giving up on the Guinness Book. In a statement released  last night, the rocker announced plans to attempt to break the world record for  most metaphors in a single concert on his tour in support of his new solo album Blunderbuss. The language of White’s press release is very snippy,  noting that “White and Third Man Records are certain that the extremely  scientific and intricate analysis of the metaphors that occur will be examined  in accordance with Guinness‘ usually very thorough methods probably, or  at the very least if somebody answers the phone at the pub.

“Third Man Records encourages all attendees of said concerts to please not  interfere or interject with any metaphors that they witness occur during the  show as to not disqualify or worse yet, trivialize the metaphor in question,”  the statement continues. “In addition all concert attendees are encouraged to  entice as many metaphors to occur during the show that they possibly can as long  as they don’t endanger themselves or Mr. White.”