The Rap Report

rap 2

Having recently completed a rather exhaustive (and frankly, exhausting) survey of contemporary releases in the rap genre I’ve decided to attempt to relate what’s new and interesting in the rap world by distilling the overarching messages of many songs into a synthesis of sorts.

Here are the main themes currently being explored in the ever-evolving world of rap music:

  1. Rappers want you to know that they have a lot of money. Like, obscene amounts of money. They very much enjoy money and the things that money can buy–most of which you and their lesser rival rappers can’t afford. They are so wealthy that it almost becomes burdensome at times finding ways to dispose of it all. Kind of a double-edged sword.
  2. Rappers have many, many women who are willing to have sex with them. Women of all types, and in many far-flung places. They frequently enjoy having sex with women who are currently involved in relationships with less fortunate, less wealthy, and less charismatic men. Watch out! Your girlfriend probably wants to be with a successful rapper.
  3. Rappers really like to be noticed when they enter a social establishment, and they invariably are. Many unusual and exciting things happen beginning the moment they arrive in places where drinking and dancing occur.
  4. If other rappers or even people who have no aspirations of being rappers (if there are such people) should attempt to acquire any of the sizeable collections of money or women belonging to a rapper, he will certainly make sure you are killed as a result, although the method and exact details of your death are not to be plainly spoken about.
  5. I mentioned they have a lot of money right?

rap

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