Spinal Tap Bassist Derek Smalls Is Back

Photo by Rob Shanahan

(via npr)

If you believe the press release — and in these credulous times, why wouldn’t you? — semi-famous British rock dinosaur Derek Smalls, known for holding down the low end in Spinal Tap, has chosen his 75th birthday to release his first ever solo album, Smalls Change (Meditations Upon Ageing). Claiming it as “halfway between ‘rage against the dying of the light’ and trying to find the light,” Smalls begins with the orchestral “Openture” by proclaiming with terse insight: “Age…is just a number. Number…is…just a word. And word…is just a thing.”

The truth, of course, is that comedian/actor Harry Shearer has happily donned the now incredibly grizzled hair and mustache of Smalls once again. Smalls Change is at once an extension of the now honestly storied tale of the ultimate fake band and an amusing indulgence in its own right, recognizing that time waits for no man, even double bass wielders…

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https://www.npr.org/2018/04/05/599148952/first-listen-derek-smalls-smalls-change-meditations-upon-ageing?utm_source=twitter.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=nprmusic&utm_term=music&utm_content=20180405

‘This is Spinal Tap’–The Complete Script

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They’ve earned a distinguished place in rock history as one of England’s loudest bands. They knocked us all out with their exuberance, their raw power–and their punctuality.

Relive the sights, the sounds, the smells at the link below–the complete This is Spinal Tap film script.

http://www.awesomefilm.com/script/thisisspinaltap.txt

Real Life Spinal Tap: Bands Reveal Their Most Tap-Like Moments

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(Article reprinted from Guitar World. Orginally printed July 2005)

Ozzy Osbourne, Billy Gibbons, Angus Young and more share their most insane rock-and-roll stories ever!

OZZY OSBOURNE

After watching the “Stonehenge” scene in Spinal Tap, with the midgets, and seeing Alice Cooper incorporate a hanging act into his show, I thought, Why not fake the execution of a midget onstage? The one midget actor who could free himself for an eight-month tour turned out to be an alcoholic. He showed up late; he was drunk… It got to me after a while. So one night when he wanted to get on the tour bus, I threw him into the luggage compartment. Somebody grabbed me and said, “What you’re doing is not only illegal but inhumane!” I lost it. I yelled: “He’s my fuckin’ midget and I’ll fuckin’ do what I want with him!” There was a silence, and then a small voice emerged from the luggage compartment: “He’s right: I’m his midget and he can do what he wants with me.”

Black Sabbath guitarist Tony Iommi was a consummate practical joker, though not a very subtle one. One time, he shat in the dip sauce at some record company event. It was interesting standing there and watching the executives indulge.

In my wild years, my wife Sharon used to accompany me on tour to prevent me from committing adultery. Some nights, she waited up for me in our hotel room. One time, I was so drunk I’d forgotten all about her presence, and when a lovely Japanese girl chatted me up, I thought: Fuck me! Sex with a gorgeous Eastern girl is one of my big fantasies, so I’m not letting this one go! When we got into the hotel room, Sharon wasted no time: she decked the Japanese girl with one right hook. In the morning, I woke up alone in the bed, a bunch of Alcoholics Anonymous brochures beside me.

BILLY GIBBONS of ZZ Top

Somehow I got it in my head that it would be a good idea to get a huge stage set and “take Texas to the people.” We had a stage in the shape of the state of Texas, and a number of rattlesnakes, vultures and even a couple of buffalo onstage. It was authentic! It was disastrous. At first, everything went well: the rattlers behaved, the birds seemed to stand the noise and the buffalo grazed quietly—until one night one buffalo decided he’d had enough. He rammed two glass cages containing the snakes. Suddenly we had a dozen rattlers crawling around onstage. Our drummer suggested we play “something quiet, to soothe them”—a stupid idea, ’cause most snakes are deaf. We didn’t even attempt it. We just fled and left the roadies to minimize the damage.

ANGUS YOUNG of AC/DC

Many years ago, when Bon [Scott] was our singer, our manager had “a brilliant idea” to hire actors who would impersonate police officers and “arrest” us onstage. Unfortunately, this was carried out at a gig in Sydney [Australia], in front of hardcore AC/DC fans that started rioting as soon as “the police” came onstage. Minutes later, the real police force came in to control the riots. Unfortunately, we couldn’t distinguish the real cops from the fake ones. Bon thought he was hitting the fake cops, but he was messing with the real ones. One of the cops gave orders to his “colleagues,” who were, in reality, the actors! I just stood there laughing my head off, which the real cops didn’t appreciate. In short: total chaos ensued.

PETE TOWNSHEND of the Who

Our first drummer, Keith Moon, God rest his soul, was Spinal Tap incarnate. Most people know the story of how he drove his Rolls-Royce into a swimming pool. But on another occasion, Keith drove his car through the glass doors of a hotel and all the way up to the reception desk, got out and asked for the key to his room, all without blinking an eyelid. One time, on a plane, he poured the contents of a soup can into a paper bag, pretended to be sick in the bag and then to drink his own “vomit.” All of this in first class. The businessmen didn’t know what hit ’em.

RON WOOD of the Rolling Stones

I have fond memories of the night Mick Jagger and I went to see Marvin Gaye sing in New York. After the gig, we went to Marvin’s hotel suite, and Mick tried to impress him with his knowledge of soul music and the like. At least, that’s what Mick thought he was doing. After about an hour of this, our host said, “That’s great, but why don’t you tell that to Marvin? He’ll be here shortly.” Mick had been talking to Marvin’s brother, who wore the same kind of knitted wool cap Marvin wore.

Another fine moment was in the early Eighties. We were doing drugs in the dressing room when suddenly the tour manager stuck his head around the door and said, “The police are here!” Holy shit! We all panicked and threw our drugs in the toilet. And then Sting, Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland walked in.

TOMMY LEE of Mötley Crüe

Mötley Crüe got kicked out of several hotels for rowdy behavior. We usually deserved it, but there was one time I thought we were unjustifiably thrown out of a place. To get back at them, I put a turd on a room-service tray and placed it in a ventilator shaft, then turned the heat up. I imagine it took them a while before they’d discovered the source of that lingering smell.

KEITH RICHARDS of the Rolling Stones

When I recorded Talk Is Cheap [Richards’ 1988 solo debut], we shot a video in Los Angeles. The script called for a couple of tramps with dogs. The director felt a tramp should have a dog that was not only ugly or dirty but also weird or, at the very least, disfigured. His assistant suggested a lame dog. They called up some agency and the word came back: “We can get you a lame dog by noon. Which leg would you want missing?” These people were prepared to maim a dog for the sake of a fuckin’ video. I tell you, man, L.A. is one sick town.

 

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Great Spinal Tap Quotes

Image of Spinal Tap

(Reprinted from Guitar World)

Some of the most memorable quotes from a most quotable movie:

“These go to 11.” – Nigel Tufnel
“I believe virtually everything I read, and I think that is what makes me more of a selective human than someone who doesn’t believe anything.” – David St. Hubbins
“It’s like, how much more black could this be? And the answer is none. None more black.” – Nigel Tufnel
“Here lies David St. Hubbins … and why not?” – David St. Hubbins
“I think that the problem may have been that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being crushed by a dwarf.” – David St. Hubbins
“Have … a good time … all the time.” – Viv Savage
“Authorities said … best leave it … unsolved, really.” – Nigel Tufnel
“You can’t really dust for vomit.” – Nigel Tufnel
“Oh, we’ve got a bigger dressing room than the puppets. That’s refreshing.” – David St. Hubbins
“They’re two distinct types of visionaries. It’s like fire and ice. Basically I feel my role in the band is to be somewhere in the middle of that, kind of like lukewarm water.” – Derek Smalls
“Well, this piece is called ‘Lick My Love Pump.'” – Nigel Tufnel
“As long as there’s, you know, sex and drugs, I can do without the rock ‘n’ roll.” – Mick Shrimpton
“Well, I’m sure I’d feel much worse if I weren’t under such heavy sedation.” – David St. Hubbins
“But you’re not as confused as him, are you? I mean, it’s not your job to be as confused as Nigel.” – David St. Hubbins

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